This song is a FEEL.
The soft, sleepy and sultry voice. The indolent pace of the melody and instruments. The half-awake feel that carries you along like you're floating in a warm, lazy river.
Whenever I hear it, I feel like the song wraps itself around me like a light silk blanket. All I can do is drift along with it. Listening to it feels like I'm somewhere between here and a dream.
And that's where I found myself a couple of days ago; half awake, physically and mentally worn out, and emotionally blunted and checked out. Driving quietly, by myself. Hot outside. No real thoughts, just events repeating in my head from the relentless pace of the past three days of 12-hour shifts at work. Tired...very, very tired. I had just slept a great deal to try and catch up, but I still wasn't rested.
And then, this song came on and felt exactly right. A small smile. The window is down now and I'm feeling warm, comfortable wind brushing over me and petting me while things inside start to wake up just a little bit. It was perfect for turning a somber and empty exhaustion into comfortably drifting along to a song and a feeling.
The song is about a relationship that is failing. She cared about something immensely and invested who she was into it, only for things to seemingly crumble apart. This is the nature of many things in life; we pour ourselves into our passions and causes. And we need to take the time to heal when things don't work out.
I've spent the past 5 years of my career working in a burn and pediatric trauma ICU. And that time is coming to an end. I'm sad that it is. I don't want to leave my unit, but I do need to. I've been finding myself increasingly reeling and dazed from work and it's hard to gauge if things will get better. My fuse has gotten much shorter. Bedside nursing is one of those jobs in which you're constantly being asked to do more with less. I'm running out of creative ways to do what's needed of me with what little I have. All I can really do is hope that my skills and knowledge will serve me well in my next environment.
I've got something lined up. But it will be four days of work per week, instead of the current three. That means 10-hour shifts, instead of 12s. While I was initially a little bummed over that, something I've come to realize is that I'll now have time to start sending off auditions with my extra time in the mornings on my work days. I think that working four days a week might actually be better for me and voiceover. Time will tell.
And in the meantime, time will heal.